John Lewis unveiled its Christmas advert last week, for the first time focusing on a father and teenage son. A distant, headphone-wearing boy tries to bridge an emotional gap through a vinyl record. The tagline: ‘If you can’t find the words, find the gift.’

Within hours, viewers were drawing connections to Netflix’s Adolescence, the March series depicting a 13-year-old boy who murders a female classmate after being radicalised by Andrew Tate and the manosphere. The John Lewis ad felt like an exploration of the same communication struggles: fathers and sons who love each other but have “forgotten how to communicate”.

The timing appears prescient. Except it isn’t. John Lewis’s director of brand confirmed the script was finished before Adolescence aired. The cultural moment around father-son relationships was already brewing – brands just weren’t paying attention.

Yet while John Lewis leans into this territory, most brands remain conspicuously absent. It’s a strange silence, particularly given the commercial incentives.

Research from Ipsos shows campaigns featuring progressive portrayals of men are 38% more likely to drive positive brand equity and 37% more likely to boost sales. Channel 4 data reveals only 26% of young men regularly see advertising that reflects “the man they want to become”. So why aren’t more brands acting?

Stop saying ‘masculinity’

Before we go further, a word about terminology. Fernando Desouches, managing director of New Macho at BBD Perfect Storm – who spent years repositioning Lynx/Axe at Unilever – is unequivocal: stop talking about “masculinity”.

“The term has become too associated with negative stereotypes,” he explains. “The word masculinity itself has become loaded – it immediately triggers defensive reactions and associations with toxicity that make genuine conversation impossible.”

Simon Gunning, CEO of mental health charity CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably), sees this defensiveness play out in real time. “If men are told they are innately ‘toxic’, they become defensive and turn towards voices that reinforce existing ideals of masculinity. We don’t need stereotypes, but real and aspirational portrayals of what men are and can be.”

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The Gen Z divide

Part of the challenge lies in a cultural fault line. According to research from Ipsos UK and King’s College London, 57% of Gen Z men now believe efforts to promote gender equality have gone too far, while 55% agree men are expected to do too much to support equality.

“These perspectives are not fringe – they are widespread, especially among younger men,” says Samira Brophy, senior director of creative excellence UK at Ipsos.

Desouches adds: “62% of Gen Z and 66% of Millennials in the UK and US feel negatively impacted by brand communication. Brands can initially help young men manage their fears, but they risk losing their identity if they become trapped in algorithm-driven content.”

It’s a perfect storm: young men feeling alienated by both progressive messaging and traditional stereotypes, while brands remain paralysed between the two.

Where are the young men?

When Brophy analysed over 2,000 ads featuring men and boys, one finding stopped her short: “I wondered, ‘where are all the young men?’ It’s like we have no expectations of them to participate in domesticity and nurture, which a large section of advertising is aimed at.”

Advertising overwhelmingly features either middle-aged dads or young children, with teenage boys rendered almost invisible. The invisibility creates a feedback loop: if advertising never shows young men participating in care or emotional labour, it reinforces that these aren’t male domains.

The commercial blind spot is staggering. Men in the UK spend approximately £907m annually on home care products, yet 85% of advertising campaigns in the sector ignore men’s opinions entirely.

The role model gap

But it’s not just about visibility – it’s about depth. “Young men don’t feel represented,” Gunning notes. “They don’t even see themselves in the ads out there. And when they are there, they don’t feel like authentic, three-dimensional versions of people.”

The irony is that positive male role models exist – brands just aren’t amplifying them. Gunning points to CALM ambassadors like Declan Rice and Joe Marler, sportsmen who are openly discussing mental health in spaces where it traditionally “hasn’t been the done thing”.

“They’re helping push the message that silence isn’t strength, that we need to talk and be open,” he says. “We need to find a way of treating masculinity positively without being stuck within the old tropes.”

The appetite for these stories is there. The question is whether brands have the courage to tell them – and young men, as Gunning warns, “can sniff inauthenticity a mile off.”

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What actually works

The answer is surprisingly simple – and has nothing to do with taking political stands.

“The simplest, most effective way is to show men enjoying life and being joyful,” Brophy explains. “Normalising the expression of emotion, joy and empathetic camaraderie. The biggest stereotype to break is that of the in control, strong and emotionless man.”

She points to MullenLowe’s recent Surf ad, which shows a man simply enjoying the sensory experience of doing laundry – no heroics, just pleasure in a mundane moment.

Desouches adds: “Brands need to move away from materialistic definitions of success -the cars, the watches – and focus on emotional aspiration. What do men actually want to feel?”

It’s a perfect storm: young men feeling alienated by both progressive messaging and traditional stereotypes, while brands remain paralysed between the two.

Moncler’s ‘Warmer Together’ campaign exemplifies this. Featuring Robert De Niro and Al Pacino, the work eschews traditional luxury signifiers in favour of friendship, trust, and emotional warmth. “Warmth was never about the outside. It was always about what was happening on the inside,” De Niro says. It’s aspiration redefined – not about status, but about connection.

But authenticity requires commitment, not tokenism. “If you’re only talking to men because it’s International Men’s Day, then that’s unlikely to be a meaningful activation and consumers can see straight through that,” Gunning warns.

“Genuine engagement is as much about what’s happening behind the scenes – at the heart of your brand – as it is about what you’re outwardly broadcasting. If a brand has a bold campaign, it needs the infrastructure to back that up.”

Change the culture, not the men

“It’s not about fixing men,” Brophy argues. “It’s about changing the culture that defines and pigeon-holes them. We can and should expect more of them across the spectrum of life and create permission to show their full emotional range without judgement.”

The John Lewis ad hints at what’s possible when brands get this right. The teenage son – awkward, inarticulate – uses music as the bridge to his father. It’s not activism. It’s simply a story about two people who love each other but have forgotten how to say it.

The fact that this feels notable reveals how low the bar has fallen. In the wake of Adolescence, everyone from the Prime Minister to school heads scrambled to address the radicalisation of teenage boys online. John Lewis inadvertently created an ad that spoke to the same moment. Yet most brands remain absent.

The question isn’t whether brands should engage. It’s whether they can afford not to. With 62% of Gen Z men feeling negatively impacted by brand communication, the current approach isn’t just lazy, it’s leaving money on the table while young men look elsewhere for answers.

Not masculinity. Just men. Real ones.